Polish Jokes, w oryginale bo to z nas się śmieją.
1.
A Polak wanted to join an amateur baseball team. The coach
looked him over and decided to give him a chance.
"I will give you three questions," said the coach. "If you
come back in a week and answer them all correctly, you're on the
team."
"Fair enough!" said the Polak eagerly.
The coach proceeded, "Here are your questions. First, how many
days are there in a week that start with the letter 'T'? Second, how
many seconds are there in a year? And third, how many d's are there in
'Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?'"
Next week, the Polak came back, feeling all confident that he
knew the right answers. So again the coach said, "So how many days in
the week that start with 'T'?"
The Polak said, "Two!"
"Very good!" said the coach. And what are they?"
"Today and Tomorrow!"
"Hmm... OK," said the coach. "How many seconds are there in a
year?"
"Twelve!"
"Twelve? How did you come up with twelve?" The coach was
perplexed.
"Well," said the Polak, "there's the second of January, the
second of February, the second of..."
"Um.. OK," broke in the coach. "How many d's in 'Rudolph the
Red Nosed Reindeer?'"
"Oh, that is easy!" laughed the Polak. "Three hundred and
sixty-five!"
"WHAT?" cried the coach. "How did you get that figure?"
To which the Polak sang, "dee dee dee-dee-dee dee-dee...."
2.
Q: What do you do if a Polak throws a hand-grenade at you?
A: Take the pin out and throw it back.
3.
An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Polak were captured by the
Germans and thrown into prison. However, the guard was rather kind
towards them, and said, "I am going to lock you away for five years,
_but_ I'll let you have anything you want now before I lock you away."
The Englishman says, "I'll have five years' supply of beer!"
His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his beer.
The Frenchman says, "I'll have five years' supply of brandy!"
His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his brandy.
The Polak says, "I'll have five years' supply of cigarettes!"
His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his cigarettes.
Five years later, the Germans come to release their
prisoners. First, they release the Englishman, who staggers out
totally drunk. Then, they release the Frenchman, who also rolls out
rather inebriated. Then, they release the Polak, who comes out and
says, "Has anyone got a light?"
4.
Did you hear about the Polish Admiral who wanted to be burried at sea
when he died? Five sailors died digging his grave.
5.
A Polish man was walking down the street, carrying a brown
paper bag. He ran into one of his friends, who asked, "Hey! What do
you have in the bag?" The man tells his friend that he has some fish
in the bag. His friend says, "Well, I'll make you a bet. If I can
guess how many fish you have in the bag, you'll have to give me one."
The man says, "I'll tell you what. If you tell me how many
fish I have in this bag, I'll give you both of them."
6.
Did you hear about the Polish family that froze to death outside a
theater? They were waiting to see the movie "Closed for the Winter."
7.
An American is walking down the street when he sees a Polak
with a very long pole and a yardstick. He's standing the pole on its
end and trying to reach the top of it with his yardstick.
Seeing the Polak's ignorance, the American wrenches the pole
out of his hand, lays it on the sidewalk, measures it with the
yardstick, and says, "There! 10 feet long."
The Polak grabs the yardstick and shouts, "You idiot American!
I don't care how long it is! I want to know how high it is!"
8.
New Polish navy has glass bottom boats, to see to the old Polish navy.
9.
Q: Have you seen the polish mine detector.
A1: Put you fingers in your ears and start stamping the ground with your foot.
A2: Start backing up and waving the detector in front of you.
10.
Q: How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast?
A: They marched in backwards and the Polish thought they were leaving.
Zaraz mnie pewnie rozstrzelają
Angielski się wam przyda, ładnie wygląda w CV.
Dowcipy 
